Oct. 31st, 2008

squirrella: (wistful)
To be sure that you maximize your candy potential, always wear a costume that is easily identified as such. Wearing your football/band/work/dad's uniform is lame, but better than nothing. Exceptionally cute costumes can merit as much as triple the candy. The same applies for scary, creative, and/or original costumes. Punny costumes will garner moans and groans and unless they are exceptionally punny will not gain additional candy beyond that which is outline below.

1. Children between the ages of 2 and 5 automatically get one of each variety on hand. This is usually a minimum of 3 pieces of candy, but can be as many as 5 pieces. The candy is distributed by the bowl-holder.

2. Children 5 and older get 2 pieces of candy, at the discretion of the bowl holder.

3. Teens and young adults in costume get 1 piece of candy.

4. Adults that are in costume and trick or treating with children get 1 piece of candy.

5. Anyone that has not made the effort to wear a costume gets briefly ridiculed, then gets something from the candy bowl. This something may or may not include an empty fist made to appear as if it is dropping a ton of candy into the shopping bag/pillowcase when in fact I'm just wiggling my fingers a little longer to mimic candy falling out of my hand and into your bag. These people don't even deserve an empty wrapper. Exception - dog walkers that have subjected their dogs to costumes: these owners, if they ask, will receive the candy of their choice because let's face it, dogs in drag are CUTE.

6. Anyone that shoves their arm elbow-deep in the candy bowl and is otherwise adhering to the above rules (man, could candy bowl be a new euphemism for vadge or what?) gets a stern look and 1 piece of candy. This 1 piece of candy may be accompanied by an empty wrapper, depending on the level of thrusting. Those that are additionally in violation of the Rules of Halloween will be given a disapproving talking-to and will likely be empty-wrappered (see Rule #5).

7. Empty wrappers will accrue proportionately to the number of trick or treaters. Peak 'treaters will be more likely to not receive an empty wrapper since the bowl-holder will be otherwise occupied and unable to consume as many pieces of fun-sized candy as needed to properly reward/punish offenders. 'treaters should gauge the crowd and try to maintain such a distance as to not overwhelm the candy distributor nor leave the distributor time to stockpile more empty wrappers.

8. The best candy to hand out isn't that which is popular nor that which is cheap but instead that which, once opened, can easily be made to look as if it's never been opened. These include Nerds, Jujyfruits, and other such packaged candies. Time aside, some medium to full size chocolate bar wrappers can be reassembled to appear as if they harbor a treat when in fact, BOOYAH, they bear a trick. However, empty wrappers of any variety are passable when coupled with one real piece of candy - if nothing else, little Suzy Sunshine will be consumed with self-doubt: "Did I really eat that 3 Musketeers bar while walking along the Ave?"

9. Wrappers of the candy consumed by the candy bowl holder are to be mixed in with the live specimen, so to speak, adding an element of surprise to an unsuspecting and rule-abiding 'treater. Sorry, Charlie, sometimes you just get nothin'.

10. Trick or treating should end by 7:45-8:00. 'treaters trolling around at that time will either be rewarded or robbed: if the candy bowl has a significant amount of candy remaining and it is candy that will be happily consumed by the owners of the candy bowl, then candy distribution rules apply as usual. If, however, 20 or fewer pieces remain and the remaining group of 'treaters approaching your station is 4 or fewer, they get to split the remaining candy as they see fit and can even pick what they want from the bowl.


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